How much does it take to excel?

How much work do I need to do to pass? What’s the latest date I can hand this in? What’s the worst thing that you’ll accept? How much do I need to get on this test to get an A? Exactly an A? What’s the best I can do in five minutes? Ten? What feels the best? What’s the quickest way to get myself off? What’s the most exciting song? What’s the most popular? What do other people like? What do other people like talking about? What-

Oh, just stop, will you? Why can’t you just try your hardest? Why can’t you do any fucking work on your own? Why don’t you bother doing more than what’s expected? What’s wrong with pushing yourself to your limits? What’s wrong with a little pain now and then?

Why the fuck am I the only one sending the messages? How come I’m having to do the brunt of the work in this relationship? Is this how you treat your girlfriends? Gee, I’d sure fucking hate to be with you. Do you think it’s cool to pretend that you have better things to do? You do, don’t you? You want me to think that you have better things to do.

Sure, whatever. That’s cool. That’s fine, yeah. I’ll just be sitting here, doing what I always do – talking. Since you’re not going to do it, I guess I will!

And I’m not fucking stopping. I don’t care if you think I look pathetic. If you do, you should’ve said that a long time ago. Then, maybe we could’ve worked it out. Maybe I could’ve started being “less annoying.”

Hey, you know what – you haven’t said anything about that yet, have you? It can’t be – do you actually enjoy reading my tangents?

Oh, you’re just ignoring them? Ah, alright.

Actually, not alright. FUCK. You’re not even doing the bare minimum, are you? You’re just – oh man. You just… exist. That’s all you do. What a treat! I’ve found a real human being. Only half sentient, but at least the specimen doesn’t seem to have any other glaring defects. Everything else is fine. It’s just LAZY_BEYOND_COMPREHENSION.

Any flicker of hope I had for you has been dashed away. But fuck, it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. I’m still happy. I’m still looking forward to tomorrow. This won’t bring me down. Nothing will bring me down. Nothing – absolutely nothing. Ignoring me won’t make me stop sending stupid ass messages about music critique.

It’s better than getting angry. At least this is all you’ll be getting. Be glad I’m not pushing you to study with me. I’m holding off, because even I know better than that. I won’t subject you to “education.” I’ll just subject you to opinion pieces, alright? Easier for you to take in – that is, if you ever bother trying to take it in. Man, all I want to do is talk about art. But it seems like all you do is play video games.


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