Engaging emotional attachment

I’m jealous of fanfiction writers. They can write whatever they want, and the lowest common denominator of each fandom eats it up.

But I’m being hypocritical. I eat it up too. Just like them, I look past all the spelling errors. I look past the fact that every fifth “I” isn’t capitalized. I don’t bother looking for the plot holes. I don’t bother analyzing the stilted dialogue. Everything that they write, I can look past. Because I’m not reading for them. I’m reading to continue the original story. I’m reading to prolong the emotions that I felt, and to fill in the gap that was torn out when it ended. I’m looking for an artificial extension.

Everything’s already cut out of them. The characters are fully developed. There’s an established universe. All they have to do is make something up. All they have to do is say two words: “what if?”

Sometimes, these ideas are pretty good. I can’t knock them for trying. But I can knock them for executing it in such a shitty way.

Don’t get me wrong; there’s some real good stuff out there. Some real original stuff – so original, they may as well have been their own books – but they wouldn’t have gotten started without the popularity of the original series.

Popularity. That’s teh thing. When you’re reading “mainstream” fanfiction, it isn’t so bad. The good ones are always going to rise to the top, and you’ll have to look hard to find something truly shitty. When you’re dealing with smaller series, however, you’ll get some questionable stuff.

I’m talking about anime.

Holy shit.

Nobody knows how to write a fucking discernible plot. Nobody knows how to make dialogue that isn’t just “Fuck me in the ass, yes please!” Nobody knows how to develop relationships beyond hand-holding and misunderstandings and SEX. It’s always SEX. Whatever pairing you can think of, it’s there. And there’s always jealousy. And there’s always one character doing things “demurely.”

Why is she so fucking demure all the time? There are other words, right? Nobody’s fucking “demurely” laying their hands on the table while “demurely” pursing their lips and “demurely” fingering you up the ass at the same time.

There’s more to characters than stock tropes and adjectives out of a thesaurus, yeah? There’s more to English than your 12th grade vocabulary tests.

Fucking hell, but all the “good writers” are actually writing their own books. If you ever read a masterpiece, you’d better be prepared for them to plug their shameless self-advertising at the end.

All the best things in life are paid. Either in time, blood, or money – you’re never going to get a good piece of fanfiction without someone’s sacrifice. You either read more bullshit, or you try to make your own.

I mean, how hard could it be? If a 6th grader gets 20 “likes” or whatever for every chapter they write, then how bad could I possibly do?

Maybe that’s the appeal. Honestly, maybe the readers “connect” to the bad grammar. Maybe they can understand it? Like, that’s their secret code?

Man, I don’t get fanfiction. Wish me luck.


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