The timid ticking of his watch kept going. He tapped his watch, then turned to look at the other man. “You’ve been waiting there for a while now. You sure you’re not going to save her? I promise; I’ll release it as soon as -”
“As soon as I accept death, yeah?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Of course. You can watch her go free; no fuss.”
“I die, though.”
“Yes, but the -”
“Yeah, the good part – she gets to live. My girlfriend. The love of my life. Beautiful, witty, and with her own individual ambitions and ideals. The golden standard of a human being, in my eyes.” He sighed, fidgeting against the handcuffs.
“Ah, don’t think about breaking through -”
“I’m not. It’s just uncomfortable, yeah?” He stared an annoyed gaze at the watch-holder.
The watch-holder was taken aback. “Well, I mean, we could come to an agreement -”
“About?” The man tilted his head to the side. “I’m dying in every single one of these “agreements,” right?” He raised his eyebrows again.
“Well,” The other man stammered, his mustache twitching on his face. A bead of sweat dripped down his forehead. “Mr. K, you do realize -”
“We’ve been here for hours!” A distant, muffled groan was heard. A voice covered by tape. The urgency of a struggle. “Of course I realize that she’s going to die! And I’ve already told you to do it, haven’t I?”
“Yes, but -”
“But? Are you kidding? What more could you possibly say? You’ve been doing nothing but repeating yourself ever since I got here, always going off about ‘Ohoho, Mr. K’ this, ‘Either you die or she dies!’ that. You ever consider that maybe, just maybe – I didn’t care?”
The watch-holder scratched his bald head. “I -” He sniffled. “I tried so hard to -”
“Oh, not again with this. Why can’t you just shut the fuck up? Yeah, you did well. Whoopee, you caught us while we were asleep. What a great plan, huh? Flawless. But you know what? I can tell that this was a rushed job. You know why?” He tried to jab a finger, but he could only struggle against the metal handcuffs. “You – you only thought about the first step. You only thought about the most obvious possibility. Just a list of criteria, just another checklist to fill -”
The other man held his head and looked away. “No, no, no! You’ve got it all wrong, you -”
“If I was wrong, I think you’d be a little calmer about this. I would think that you’d be a lot more prepared for whatever I had to say. If I were wrong, then this situation wouldn’t even be happening right now. In fact,” He held himself back from saying any more. He was about to say something along the lines of “killing both of us,” but he felt that it would’ve been a bad idea.
Sobbing was audible. At first, Mr. K thought it was from his girlfriend, but this sob was a lot more pathetic.
“Hey, man, look. Why don’t you just untie me right now, and we go over this again sometime later? Let bygones be bygones – I’ll forgive you, and you release me. Do over?” He put on his best “persuasion face,” even though he could barely see the outline of the “evil villain” in the shadows.
Silence. “A-alright, if you say so…” The villain came crawling over.
The cuffs clanged on the ground. “You know, those were special titanium ones. Got them specially for you, you know?…”
“Ah, good to hear.” Mr. K said, pulling a pistol out of his ass and shooting the villain in the heart. “Now, to have sausage or bacon on my McMuffin…” He muttered to himself.
A muffled grunt stirred him from his breakfast decision-making daydream.
“Oh, yes. Forgot about you.”