Trouble in Paradise

I don’t “talk politics” with my friends. They’re all liberal anyways. I can’t really bring anything up if it’s not about:

-Abraham Lincoln
-Justin Trudeau

Anything else besides that is completely insignificant. Hillary and Donald? Whatever. The Conservative Party of Canada? “I hate Harper.”

It’s probably best that they’re like this, because if they had beliefs any more extreme than “ISIS is a bad bunch of dudes,” some friendships might be forcefully cut off. I wouldn’t like any more drama than necessary.

That’s painting me as too blunt, though. I wouldn’t do any of that. I’d probably just nod and grin/grimace, maybe say “That’s a different perspective”, and pretend to ponder. It’s not like they’re going to do anything too bad, right? No violence, no crime, but maybe a few slurs and a few scathing statements. It’d be interesting to see at least a few of those, but I suppose that it’s fine to appreciate the peace while it lasts. After all, I’m eventually going to find someone who I can argue with, right?

Yeah, and then we’ll have fun hanging out and arguing about the merits of communism in modern-day society and the works of Karl Marx. We’ll have endless arguments about left-wing and right-wing, and we’ll look back to the Greeks and ask ourselves “what went wrong” and answer completely different answers.

Actually, no we won’t. I’m not – I don’t want to hang out with someone who keeps arguing with me. I just want someone to listen to me. I’m always listening for other people, but I don’t find anyone to listen to me. I can’t tell too many people about this. I don’t have a lot of friends. Just “acquaintances.”  I don’t call them that in real life, out of respect. But that’s what they are. I’m not blaming anyone but myself for this. I know the reason it’s like this. I know that I don’t really like them enough, and I know that I could try harder.

I just don’t. My perception of them has already fallen. There’s nobody that’s going to be perfect to me. I’ve already accepted that. I’m not sighing, and I’m not disappointed. I just have dumb standards. I like to think that I hold myself up to those same ones, but I only think that I do. The voice inside of me reaches those standards. Because only the voice inside of me knows what those standards are. My judgement is the only one who knows.

Gosh, I sound so droning. Look, the whole point of this “trouble in paradise” thing was supposed to be about how Donald Trump doesn’t believe in climate change. I was gonna talk about how he was a symbol to a bunch of people, and how he represented a lot of the ideals that the regular American had, and how all of it is diminished by his stance on climate change.

But now it’s just teenage bullshit.

My dad keeps coughing in the background. My 3-year old sister keeps watching toy unboxing videos, and my mom sighs every so often, clicking away at her ThinkPad laptop while working from home.

I’m in a townhouse. I feel like there’s dust everywhere, but nobody really seems to care. I mean, like, there’s literally dust everywhere. There’s a bunch of long-legged arachnids too. I’m not making a metaphor. I’m literally – like, there’s just dust everywhere. I call them long-legged arachnids because I recall some comment about how daddy-long legs weren’t actually “spiders” per se, and – well, I’ll leave you with this.


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